Jan 17, 2015

Battling Anxiety & Depression

This article has been selected by Blog Adda as a Tangy Tuesday Pick !

Just  grabbed  yesterday’s  Hindustan Times  and read Deepika Padukone talking about anxiety and depression. I read her article and it took me years back when I was battling against the same.It all started when I was studying for engineering and suddenly one day I had the same feeling that she has rightly described as an ‘ empty feeling’.  It was difficult to understand as to what was happening.
I couldn’t even express what  I was going through. Explaining it to my parents was difficult too. I didn’t  know what to tell them what I was going through. It began with palpitations(increased heart beats), panic attacks and sudden emotional outbursts in public. I would breakdown for reasons unknown to me.  I explained my ordeal to mom and since my sister had gone through the same  we were quite familiar with the  term ‘ anxiety ‘ in the family.  My  parents thought it was initial stress and it would just go away with me relaxing and avoiding too much of  stress. It was difficult for me to concentrate on anything.   I couldn’t bear being in a crowd and would break down very often. I would gasp for breath and at times would feel choked up.
I would try hard to focus on stuff other than the empty feeling and would try to keep my mind indulged in other activities.It would give me momentary relief . I would feel better.  I started keeping myself busy. It did help me up to some extent but then what would I do on busy streets. I lost my confidence . When ever  I would see a train approaching a station I would debate in my mind, “Will I be able to board this or won’t I “ . This mental debate would leave me waiting at station for hours, lost and scared. I researched a lot on these symptoms and since my sister already had gone through it I knew it was anxiety neurosis and a beginning of depression. I would cry for reasons unknown . I  would feel  weak and limbless ,lethargic . I would find it difficult to get  up from bed  on certain days.


My dad would always ask me, “ Anxious and depressed at this age? What is your age,24?” . Discussing with friends would be like explaining rocket science. My friends would be like you are so strong mentally , how can you be depressed. My parents were always worried about me and never left me alone .  Though  I never thought of ending up my life but an approaching train would bring up several thoughts. I was always  surrounded by friends but I always felt lonely.   I always had my  boyfriend around and had the best relationship ever but  I would still be unhappy. My boyfriend would often wonder what he had done to upset me so much that I would suddenly burst  into tears. And one day the condition  became so worse in the middle of a busy road , I felt someone was strangulating me to death . I couldn’t breathe and I checked myself into a local dispensary where in the doctor put me on bed for an hour , offered me water and after some time I was back on feet.  That is when I knew I had to seriously do something about it.
I confided in my then boyfriend and now husband and we decided to visit a psychiatrist. I knew I needed medical help . I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I tried  medical counselling too just like Deepika did. But it was of momentary relief and moreover meditating at  all the places isn’t something that is possible. I tried  Homeopathy too and surprisingly one of the doctors even said since I was past the age of getting married, it’s the sexual frustration that was leading into this.  I was appalled by the ignorance .  Needless to say that it was the last time I ever went again to the doctor. Finally took Allopathy treatment for a year and  now I can say I am completely free and the confidence is back.

If you need help ask for it. There is nothing to be ashamed of it . And during my period of treatment my doctor had several counselling sessions for my parents too so that even they could understand what exactly I was going through. I too would think at times whether I should tell my friends  about my psychiatric counselling  and would think what would be their reaction . Going  to a psychiatrist doesn’t make  you crazy. It is just like going to a doctor for  fever or jaundice. The treatment and the therapy made me stronger , further strengthened my belief that  I am perfectly normal and that I can come out of it stronger and healthier.
I have seen a lot of my friends going through the same but the very thought of going to a psychiatrist makes them  think twice. They feel they are going to be better soon without any help. Just talking it out with friends doesn’t help much, it helps upto some extent but it could be detrimental too at times because there is too much of an ignorance regarding this . Not all those who are sad are depressed and vice versa.  There is a world of difference between being sad and depressed. The word depressed is highly misunderstood .  It’s necessary to nip the problem from the bud. And let me tell you everyone and anyone can be depressed ..it doesn’t matter whether you are strong weak ,tall or short etc. It’s the worst feeling ever.
It’s great to see actors coming out of the closet and discussing their personal issues and actually trying to do something about it. Hats Off to Deepika for coming up with such an initiative and for speaking her mind . I could actually relate completely with her when I read her article. It was exactly that I went through.
It’s necessary you open up with your close ones during such a period but don’t be ashamed of taking medical help.

Stay healthy. Stay happy.


  1. Congratulations! Your blog post has been featured in this week's Tangy Tuesday Picks on BlogAdda! Thanks for a wonderful blog post. You can see it here - http://adda.at/tangy20-01

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    1. Thanks Blogadda.... you guys made my day :)

  2. Thank you for your honesty. It's rare to find people who share so deeply about depression. The good thing is that it helps other people to be open about it too. Many years ago when I first got married I suffered this same sensation of choking, finding crowds unbearable and having no hope for the future. At that time there was no counselling for families to help them understand. I'm glad things are changing.

    1. Thanks Kalpana for ur kind words.. My life is an open book . I don't think people should hide any such fact that may be helpful in creating awareness for others.


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