Travelling in Mumbai locals can be everything from being pleasant ones to being hectic ones. The local trains of Mumbai being the life line of Mumbai ; everyone has to use or rather have used this lifeline once in life.And me being the luckiest one on the earth I travel daily like many other lucky counterparts.
For people who don’t know about the local trains in Mumbai, the trains have different compartments – General Compartment which usually can be occupied by both ladies and gents,; most dominantly occupied by the male population of Mumbai.we have the most dangerous and terror filled compartment ie.ladies compartment and then we have a separate luggage compartment ,first class compartments for both ladies and gents and a special compartment for handicapped and cancer patients. How considerate it sounds !! isn’t it ?In the peak hours , no one bothers about the class, no one dithers from being a luggage to being handicapped and using the specially designed compartments. Everything is forgiven, all rules broken are forgiven during the peak hours.. Does anyone have the guts to get into, the ladies compartment during the peak hours forget punishing the defaulters.
In the last so many years of my journey I have come across so many incidents – some funny,some irritating and some terrible ones. But still as it is said the show must go on or rather the journey must go on...I would enlighten the ones who haven’t traveled in a Mumbai local for any reason so far. There are these different species of ladies whom you would definitely find if you are travelling in A Mumbai Local.....
1)The Imaginative ones : These are the ones who always Imagine or hallucinate that there is always a lot of space inside and one can get through in and find a comfy space to settle in..Duh!! if the train was empty .. Are we show pieces hanging on the foot board. These species will always try to push into and find some place which they would define as space.
2) The Strong Willed : These are the ones who wouldn’t budge once they sit somewhere. These species usually don’t prefer sitting on the seats.They prefer sitting down.These are the ones who wudnt budge come what may.Your bags hit them,you stamp over them,you walk over them ,your umbrellas poke them.... still you can’t move them..They belong to ,”Maine ek bar jo commitment kardi fir to mai apni bhi nai sunti” types..Sitting down is their birth right and they shall have it....
3) The fourth seaters: I would like to enlighten them with the fact that Constitution hasn’t defined any such rights to the citizens of India that you must place your bum on the 4th seat i.e the edge of the seat even if you know you are balancing over there. We flout so many rules and its okayyyyyy to flout this self created rule.So next time you see that already the seat is overcrowded with three donot ask people to move so that you can balance on the fourth seat.
4) Investigators: These species ,the moment they get into the train they start asking people where they want to get down.If its your first time in the Mumbai Local don’t be scared this is quite normal and just let the whole world know where you are going.. And the questions don’t stop coming..The same question would be asked millions of times as every station passes by,If you are sleeping and you wake up to a pat , don’t worry its just some unknown faces asking you where you are going.. Don’t worry!! Just tell them and they will let you doze till you reach your destination.
5) Stuntwoman: These species would give Lara Croft, the Kilbils a chase for their money. They don’t wait for the trains to stop. They just jump into the running train and still land safely. This is something you would find impressive specially if you are a die hard action scenes fan.Watch out for these species..!! They are total paisa vasool ;)
6)Inquisitive ones: These species wouldn’t let you live your lives peacefully even if you are almost at the door..They would keep on asking you where you are getting down till they don’t get the answer that satisfies them. Their question would be normally like, ”Are you getting down at the next station ?” No, waiting here so that you could ask me every morning with that irritating tone of yours..DUH!!! obviously am getting down at the next station.GRRR!!!
7) The Foul Mouthed Ones: Their conversations begin with $#$@#%#$ and end with #@$@#$%. :P Be whatever the situation, they find solace in $#@$#$@#$#$.. And the most explicit ones you would have never heard ever in your life. These are the aggressive ones and right from a slight push or stamping on t heir foot would end up them using the most abusive language. They end up making the men shy with this unique talent of theirs. And you said women are weaker sex!!yeah right!!!
8) Irritating Ones : This category is too big and covers a wide spectrum of our so called weaker sex.
a) The elbowing ones : They would elbow you throughout the journey for no fault of yours. And no one likes to be elbowed at odd places in crowded trains. So we give them this special place in this category.
b) A feeling of their own ones: These species think they have a right over you and end up thinking you are their own. They would end up putting your hair to the front when they are irritated, They would hold your back for balance.They would lean totally over you as if you are some non living support installed exclusively for them,They would hold the same handles wherever you keep hand. (I know you would find this behavior odd and end up thinking whether the person behind you is a lesbian ... by the time you are thinking this you would find someones knee feeling you...) Ok !! this happens.. don’t worry... this is quite normal.... carry on and enjoy the touch :P
c) Roadblockers: These species will shoot up your blood pressure in the morning. These are the ones who would want to get down at the last station the train would ever reach but would stand in such a location right from the moment the train has started and they would end up jamming the entire train.these kinds are the ones who are very largely and commonly found.These species often end up missing seats and stand confused like dimwits... Easier to recognize...!!
d)Suspense Creators : These species are the ones who keep you wondering till the end as to whats going to come next. If you are waiting at the platform to board a train you would find the umbrella coming out, the bag flung out, the dupatta coming out and by the time you wonder to whom these things belong to..the suspense enfolds and they appear on the big screen all tired and exhausted. Thunderous Claps an d Applause for such a wonderful entry err.,,,exit!!!
e) Reminders : These are the ones who would push you even before the train starts approaching and would keep saying “Arey jaldi utarna!!”( get down fast) .. Duh!! As if I didn’t know !!!Their constant reminders would keep ringing in your ears till you don’t tell them to move forward.
f) Cry babies: These are the types who weep and wail in the crowd..not actually but they end up making funny noises ..These species deliver amazing dialogues which would give script writers a chase for their money.. “Arey mar gai mai...( I am dead !!) – Ok good to know that :P haha aaahhhhh!!!!(everything is a pain for them!).These species also use the funniest English mostly.. eg.. Arey don’t pussssssss me... (Ok.. I wont pussss u.. I would just PUSH you ) :P
g) Stinky ones : Their armpits can be used as subjects for challenging any Deodorant company. Their armpits end up burning your nostrils for sure. You try to find solace in their hair and you realize armpit was a better option.. You pray for a fresher breath of air!! And do prayers get answered ina jiffy.. ???
9) Party Gals : Nothing can stop these gals from partying hard.These species are found in groups and don’t be surprised if you find a plate of samosa moving over your head .Its your first day at work,you are in the crisp corporate attire and the chutney for samosa moves over your head..don't worry it’s going to land safely on the other end... You feel you are in a party even if you are not invited,even if you don’t get to eat a morsel...but you would get the feel of it for sure. Try telling them something over this programme of theirs and they would be worser than the beefy bouncers you find outside a pub...did you ever say women are weaker sex?? Did you eh??!!!
General compartments are also crowded to the core but you wouldn’t see such things happening there.The only commotion is while boarding and then peace prevails.They indulge in reading newspapers ,discussing share markets ,playing cards etcetc... no one wants to balance themselves on the fourth seat..no one asks you where you are going...No one sits down..
The only place on earth where you can find women transforming into wo-mean is here ie. Second class ladies compartment . But then life 3 cheezo se mazedar banti hai- Entertainment ! Entertainment ! Entertainment!!! And where on earth would you find such entertainment free of cost....
Nothings more entertaining than seeing two woman fight over a seat... wat say???
Also read Locks and Mane Part 2