Jul 31, 2011

My Take On Relationships :

This post has been chosen by Blog Adda for their Tuesday Tangy Picks. Thank you Blogadda.
Recently read in the newspaper, a 73 year old couple battling for divorce. They have their kids who are well settled, have their grand kids too… but still they have been battling it out in the court because they just can’t stand each other. The court tried to make peace but then both the sides refused to live in together again. This may not be the first case or something new but then it really made me think hard, what is that you want in a relationship.
After 40-50 years of staying together and bringing up kids together, finally what would have happened that made them grew apart. I wondered does it take 40-50 years to know your partner?I wondered as to what could be the actual reason for the same. Either the problem would have been right from the start but then they would have compromised for their kids or their family(typical Indian mentality!!!) or they have lost the mutual understanding which is an important ingredient of every relation.


I have had a friend who would always say “When I’m willing to cook her chicken tikkas for dinner and chocolate mousse for breakfast-in-bed, she should atleast be beautiful” I would try explaining things to him that beauty would fade away but then no use. Is it beauty that would make the relation grow stronger.? What if she is beautiful and suspicious of every activity of yours?? Does it even sound good?? Forget staying with her then!!!!!I feel in a relationship the person appears beautiful in the first two years of courtship or may be 3years of marriage and sexual intimacy but then in the long run what makes the couple  beautiful or your partner beautiful is how the person has been a strength throughout the journey. Fights are common in every relation but then the way you fought over small things guides you throughout the journey. If in the first fight you end up breaking vessels and jars ,the time is not far when you end up breaking your  hearts.
I believe at the age of 73 what I would want is peace, an understanding partner(doesn’t matter if he looks the worst then) and it wouldn’t even matter if he doesn’t cook  chicken tikkas for me.I would rather reminisce about my wonderful moments with him. For me spending time more together would be the best option rather than moving court. I believe the couple lacked the basic understanding and that is the reason they wanted a divorce. If it would have been the society that they bothered about then even now they wouldn’t have taken such a step.
The basic thing that is missing in most of the relationships these days is trust and understanding. Something that I believe in very strongly, be with someone who understands you, who accepts you the way you are. It doesn’t matter what the world thinks about your decision. They are no one to decide anyways .Don’t get into a marriage because someone wants you to. And don’t stay in an abusive relation just because someone wants you to. I may sound selfish but then nothing hurts more mentally and physically than being in an abusive relation. Be in a relationship with someone who has got the basic understanding of what you want. 

Trust me!!! If your partner has the required compassion, understanding he would appear to be the most beautiful human in the world even in his sixties and seventies. His/her wrinkles would make them appear even more beautiful. After all life Is not measured by the number of times you slept together but the little sweet moments like the first salary after marriage, first movie,first bouquet of flowers,first fight and then being all sorry about it, first financial crunch,forgetting your anniversary and then making up for it ,your first experiment with cooking to impress your partner,the first long drive , your first baby…etc. What is life without all these?

14 comments:

  1. hmm.. While I was reading this (well written.. btw) . . All I could see was.. You replaced the attributes of "gorgeous,rich,cool,popular" with what is perceived as morally superior "undestanding,caring,accepting,humble" etc..etc.. . . which is that basically everyone wants a unique set of favoured attributes in their better half.. . . . Now. . What I think is is more important is our own characteristics. . Rather than generalising "this is good & that is bad for all relationships" . . Just accept that someone's perfect partner could be completely wrong for someone else. . *sigh* all I want to say is that its pointless to claim "understanding is universaly a better attribute than beauty"d see was.. You replaced the attributes of "gorgeous,rich,cool,popular" with what is perceived as morally superior "undestanding,caring,accepting,humble" etc..etc.. . . which is that basically everyone wants a unique set of favoured attributes in their better half.. . . . Now. . What I think is is more important is our own characteristics. . Rather than generalising "this is good & that is bad for all relationships" . . Just accept that someone's perfect partner could be completely wrong for someone else. . *sigh* all I want to say is that its pointless to claim "understanding is universaly a better attribute than beauty"

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  2. can u kindly explain in a simpler way......???

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    1. I guess what Parveen meant was, ' Truth is subjective'

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  3. very well said...what's life without all these...

    the more lows of life you pass together early in your relationship, the stronger the bond gets....important thing is to be able to be yourself infront of your partner...if you wear a mask to impress the relationship is doomed to fail...

    great post :)

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  4. @SUB- you are absolutely correct...being yourself in any kind of relaiton is the only way u can make it successful :)

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  5. lovely post..keep up the good work!

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  6. Hey perfectly said my dear frnd. The basic feelings are same for each and every individual whether a guy or girl...
    Yet the question still remains unanswered as to why there is less understanding, when the feelings are same???

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  7. hey very nice article.... :)

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  8. chitsss u did it again!!!! wowwwww

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  9. @amisha- thanku gal
    @prakash - thanku dear :)

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  10. Read somewhere that 'love' lasts only the first 2-3 years & then the hormones sort of 'calm' down.Whatever be the case, in the end good looks can hardly substitute for a good heart( or brain for the sake of the non-romantic people)
    You can't sit & stare at your love all day, you need to converse, share ideas & feel accepted.

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    1. @Rinaya: you are absolutely right... what one must look out for is companionship..nothing else lasts forever :)

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