Dear Zindagi!

 “I am writing a letter to life for the #DearZindagiactivity at BlogAdda“.

Dear Zindagi ,

Words fail me when I think of writing you a letter to express my gratitude and love towards you.
You have been a roller coaster all the time.Whenever I think I have hit a new low,you take me to the highest pedestal .And when I think I have reached  the highest point in my life ,and think I am the best and the greatest  ,you take me back to the lowest point again reminding me that times can change. And that you need to move with the change.
You teach me every time, that if you want to witness a rainbow you need to bear the rain.

I am not sure what I should be more grateful for ...
for teaching me to stand back on my toes with every baby step I took and fell on my knees. Or
For losing my rank in the exams but still teaching me a lesson that ranks don't determine your potential your knowledge does
Or
For teaching me to be an independent individual all my life and slaying it completely.
Or
For making me believe in Mills and Boons kind of romance
Or
For teaching me that it is okay to take the first step in your relationship ...be it expression of my feelings or being sorry about something
Or
For helping me deal with my anxiety neurosis ,depression and coming out strong .
Or
For teaching me it's okay to lose .
I am not sure what I should be thankful for. I know you have been harsh on me on certain days...you have had your share of mood swings. You have put me through trials and tribulations but am not complaining because you never promised me it would be a bed of Roses.
I am so enchanted with the idea of experiencing you that I feel on certain days that am losing out on time to be with this boon called 'Zindagi' .
I remember the breakups,heartbreaks, frustrations that you brought along but your every chapter just taught me that this too shall pass and it's just one of your bad days.
I feel blessed that I am one of the few lucky ones who got 29 years of experiencing you.

There are times when I have felt you had a different script of living for me; when I have felt I could have had it all...But every time this thought crossed my mind, you questioned me on my face if I would have been as grateful as I am now if I had it all.

I am besotted with the wonderful surprises you have brought along when I have felt my life had become so  dull.You always keep me on the edge of the seat wondering what next?
There would be times when I would want to give up on you but you have always taught me to battle out all the struggles you are going to bring along.... so bring it on!.

I have ultimately learnt that Zindagi or life isn't a burden....it's the expectations and dreams we weave that make it a burden.We must learn to deal with failures as well as success.

You have taught me the value of having you with every breath I take and with every beat of my heart.

You are such a beauty Dear Zindagi, I have felt this on every single day when I have met new people  , when I have visited new places,with every experience I have had.

I have always believed that l should experience you like it's my first and the last rendezvous with you, I want to indulge you with all the love ,madness ,laughter,tears and spoil you to the core.

I always wanted to be  a free bird but you taught me that actual freedom is to break free of all the thoughts , all those people , all those customs that bring you down in life.
When I turn back to see you in retrospect,all i feel is gratitude.

Thanks Zindagi!

Dear Hubby

Happy happy anniversary my dear hubby,

Let me tell you this is going to be the year when officially people have the right to ask us awkward baby questions, when they think they have the right to speculate if things are going the wrong or the right way....

I think that's what the second year of marriage in our society means. Forcefully have babies due to pressure from all corners . 

But yes the last two years of our marriage  I think both of us have learnt a lot. We have learnt to give importance to our choices more than what people think or will think about us.

We have given importance to our careers, our dreams and have made adjustments..I wouldn't use the word compromise because I feel no one should ever compromise on their dreams for the sake of others.We probably have one life together, which we decided to live together....so why not make the most out of it. 

Ok..so hows been the last one year of our life....Read on...

There have been times when I have felt what if we fail to have kids and I have had shared these apprehensions with you...you were quick enough to point out that if its meant to be it will be.

There have been times when I have felt what If I would
 never conceive ....you were quick enough to say the fault could be in both of us and not me alone.

All the last ten years of my life I wanted to be Mrs.nambiar( you can ask my friends about this) , but the moment I got married to you I felt a sudden possessiveness to my maiden surname. I felt that's what made me whatever I am and it wasn't easy enough to part ways with it. I just couldn't change it for the sake of it.  I mean even if it changes on paper , probably deep down I would still want to be called as  Chitra Nair. Not being a feminist and changing norms here ,..it's simply my choice. Have discussed this with you and you were very cool enough to say you can live with your maiden name all your life.

I have asked you many a times if I would ever support your career choices the way you have done and you were quick enough to say I will. 

There are times when you get a couple of flirty messages from random friends of yours . And me getting it from some friends of mine. You have always been indifferent to these and I have learnt from you how  to not let it affect the stability of our marriage.

The Germany official trip that I would be leaving for in few days; I so very well remember how our anniversary as well as vacation plans had to be changed in a jiffy like in an hour with all the pre bookings cancelled . You even paid up the cancellation amount so that I could go ahead with the Germany trip... You have always let my dreams grow .

You have patiently answered a 'NO' a million times like a BOSS whenever i have asked if I have grown fat.i mean how effortlessly you do that ;)

You have held me tight when I thought I would crumple , you have helped me grow when I thought I won't, you let me live a  crazy wild life of a bachelor when I thought marriage was the end of my freedom. You have surprised me at every stage of my life in a way or the other
I don't think I would remember the materialistic stuff that I have received as gifts from you, it's going to be these memories that I would be cherishing all my life.


I believe amidst the silly love notes, text messages ,dinner dates we actually grew up as a couple in the last one year.

And I also know when I am pouring my heart out in this post... you are going to be the last one who would be reading this ...slow that you are ... bwahhahaha!

Once again happy anniversary...!!!

Getting married to you has one of been the best decisions of my life..and I hope you feel the same haha!

My First TV Shoot.( BBC Talking Business)

Its been a long time since I have posted anything and I think this is the best moment to get back to writing.  A month back one of my school friends messaged me asking if I was interested in coming on a talk show “Talking Business” on BBC .She said that this time on the show they were planning to have a discussion on issues faced by women in India’s workforce and what stopped them from pursuing their careers. The discussion was supposed to be an element of Talking Business show  consisting  of panel discussion with Naina Lal Kidwai, Vaishali Kasture – Former Goldman Sachs  India Head and a HRexpert.

I wondered just like many others who have been asking me why  I was selected for the same. They needed a real face someone who would openly discuss the issues that women face actually and wouldn’t think twice about being  open about it. My friend Kinjal ( who is a producer of the show)thought I would be apt for it and roped me in.

When I got the opportunity , I thought I should take someone else along with me someone who Is equally bold like I am and someone who is equivocal about such issues.And that is how I roped in my best friend Aswathi for the chat show.We had a lot of discussions with the producer of the show before we actually went for the shoot. Points that we were going to discuss were put forth and finally the date , the schedule and the script all were ready and we were asked to report for the shoot early in the morning before the office hours.Facing the camera for the first time wasn’t very difficult as we thought and the shoot went as per the schedule.The show was supposed to be aired both on BBC English and Hindi as well. And this is what the show exactly looks like . Please go to the link and check the video ( http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-36426579)

We discussed a lot of points and not a lot of them were shown on TV. The points that I felt as to why women have to leave their careers as compared to men is because of the following reasons:1)      Mental Harassment & Sexual Harassment2)      Lack of Safety3)      Unfriendly HR policies4)      Lack of Role Models5)      Orthodox  mindset of the society.I also shared an incident of being mentally harassed by a former colleague of mine ( which is not shown in the video) for over three months.That was one of the darkest period of my IT career I would say. I had even thought of quitting my job and taking a sabbatical .But then I found my lost strength in my family who said we would end up meeting such people in every walk of life and that running away from situations isn’t a solution for the same. You need to fight the situation and make peace with it . And that is exactly what I did . 

I spoke against the harassment and decided not to take it lying down inspite of being a fresher in the field of IT. I am thankful to that former colleague of mine for torturing me so badly that I emerged strong out of it. Work bullies is a concept that I was introduced to all thanks to him.  One thing that I wanted to express via my presence in show was women shouldn’t take things lying down silently. The main reason why people take advantage of women is because they consider women as a weaker sex and someone who would bear everything silently. Via my blog I would want my readers as well as everyone who would be watching the video that always speak up against what you think is wrong. Speak up if someone /something is going against you in an unfair way. No one is going to help you out if you don’t help yourself. I am not trying to vent out any personal grudge via this post but I feel fighting against a situation  will make you stronger in life J

I am extremely glad I could do my bit by being on the show and speaking for my gender , on behalf of so many women who dream big in life and are struggling to see their dreams turning into realities. I am extremely glad that a lot of my friends & my family are very happy and proud of me for doing this. Thanks to all of them. I am also happy that there are some who find all this too much of a hype and have openly expressed it. But the hype is worth it as it is not every day that I would wake up early in the morning to be messaged by a friend in Spain just to say that she spotted me on BBC  TV.  There are also people who have said “ that was just a two minute shoot” . Not everyone gets a chance to be on Global news for something good even for two minutes. For me every achievement small or big is an achievement  .

And thanks to a lot of people who actually made me realize that it is a big thing to be on TV for something good and something sensible. Thanks a lot . This one is definitely going to be something I am never going to be tired of being proud of. Because it is totally worth it.:)