Things That Define Me

 This post is a part of #UseYourAnd activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette Venus“.

    

                                                              ME!ME!ME!ME!

Sky is the limit for me…. Every day I wake up and I have this feeling  that am racing against time. There is so little time left and have so much to achieve in life. This very feeling  encourages me to push myself to achieve more .  I just don’t want to stop . I want to keep doing things .  I want to learn more , achieve more. You can call me ambitious, but I feel am simply passionate about learning new stuff. My thirst of learning new things is simply insatiable.

Nerd : I was a nerd in school with those geeky glasses and someone who would always be buried under the heap of books. I was  a ranker and I always wanted to be  a ranker in whatever I did. I was hardworking to the core. I ate, I drank , I breathed the very ambition of being a doctor someday in my life. The very thought of seeing myself in the white apron pushed me to slog day and night. School days came to an end and so did junior college. Things didn’t go the way I wanted do… I got an admission for Engineering rather than Medical as I always dreamt of.

An Engineer: I always thought I could never be an engineer. Understanding technicalities and working on the same wasn’t my cup of tea. I cried , I frowned because I felt I was stuck in something I couldn’t relate to. But somehow I came to terms with reality and accepted the fact that I need to be good in whatever I do rather than cribbing over what I couldn’t be in life.  Working hard through out the  four years I passed out with flying colours .

A Teacher: Yes, you are right a technical job wasn’t my first job. I remember my dad refusing money for buying some artificial jewellery for which I was crazy at that time. And my mom telling me bluntly,” If you want it, earn it .” And that somehow  hit me so badly and  I decided that henceforth I would never ask them for a single penny. And that is how I started with my first job. Teaching a bunch of students at my place for a small amount ranging from 100-300 bucks. All these  kids  belonged to lower economic groups. The joy of teaching them was priceless.

An Engineer:  Recession hit the techies back in 2008 and most of us lacked a well paying technical job.  Eight months after the results were out, I landed my first job as a techie in PATNI computers. Even though coding wasn’t  my cup of tea , I have worked hard enough to meet the expectations of my peers and senior colleagues. Am proud to say that I am doing well in a field I thought I would never take a step into.

A Singer: Music has been a part of my life right from my childhood. Mom would tie my piggytails and drop me for an hour of Carnatic Training. Initially what I thought was boring somehow became my lifeline. From singing in bathrooms and then on stage, it somehow became an indispensable part of my life. As a techie in the software firm , I did everything to stay in touch with the noble art of music. Right from singing in stage to jails and orphanages I have did it all. The claps and loud cheer from the audience encouraged me everytime  to go back there and perform. I have forgotten lyrics, I have missed the tune at times but its an ongoing fight to make it the best .

Dancer:  I tied ghungroo on my feet at the age of 5. I would be a coy child and I knew I never danced well. No appreciation from the guru further strengthened my resolved. Eight years passed by like that and at the ripe age of 13, I did my Arrangetram ( my first stage performance) and I danced like no one was watching. I performed roles that no one could with ease and finesse. Applauded and cheered for being a good performer I went on to perform in various states of our country. I danced till the age of 25 and have taken a sabbatical now from Bharat Natyam and Kuchipudi. Tied a ghungroo on my feet I can still enthrall the audience with my expressions and grace. Somehow after my marriage I feel getting involved in an another dance form just to stay attached with the art.

Blogger:  Tired of my endless blabbering ,  a friend suggested me to start writing. He thought  I could put my endless thoughts into words and he would be relieved for a while.  I thought it wasn’t a bad idea  and took upto blogging. Won several accolades and prizes, blogging just became an integral part of my life.

A daughter : I can say I have been a good daughter. Good in the sense, independent to the core, my parents never had to worry about anything be it my studies, my marriage, my classes ..i can say and even they would agree to this that am a self made person. I have made my decisions and have abided them. Good or bad I have taken it in my stride and have learnt from the same.

A daughter in law : Just three months into the marriage , am not sure what kind of a daughter in law I am. But quite sure of the fact that am not giving people a tough time at my in laws  as my mom had expected :D  A food lover and someone who loves to cook and experiment with food, I love cooking for my family. Am not a superchef but someone who loves cooking for my folks. At times  the food turns super yumm and at times it just deserves to go down the drain. As I blog, my poor in laws are hogging a bowl of miserably cooked Hakka noodles. But whenever my mom-in-law says its good, my heart leaps with joy.

A wife : Am more of a friend  than a wife to my husband. We discuss  everything right from gals to each other’s  dirtiest secrets. Am not sure whether am the perfect wife that my husband looked out for but I have made sure my imperfections haven’t come in the way of our married life. Am like that typical wife who waits for the husband to come and have dinner ,A wife who hugs him when he is back home after work, a wife who want to see her hubby eat  etc etc.

Sister: I am also A younger sister to my sibling who is somewhere reading this article and planning to correct all my mistakes in this article. We have come a long way  right from the worst fights that we had where in neighbours would come and drag us apart to the fact that I could punch in anyone’s face who talk ill against my sister. I can fight with my sister but if you fight….oh boy!! You are in total mess!

Apart from all this , am into Scrabble,badminton and social work.

This is ME! This is my small world..my world filled with music,dance arts ,my family , my friends,my hubby.. My life is incomplete without all of them. I juggle all these responsibilities all at a time. People ask me how I find time for all these activities…. Its my belief that if you are passionate about anything in your life  you just have all the time in the world.. Nothing can stop you  .

So what if you are married, so what if you are a mom to a toddler…make time for yourself. Let your hair loose and have fun doing what you love the most.

I would say be a little selfish  and save that small amount of time for yourself doing what you love the most.

Do things that make you happy and do it often..

Battling Anxiety & Depression

This article has been selected by Blog Adda as a Tangy Tuesday Pick !

Just  grabbed  yesterday’s  Hindustan Times  and read Deepika Padukone talking about anxiety and depression. I read her article and it took me years back when I was battling against the same.It all started when I was studying for engineering and suddenly one day I had the same feeling that she has rightly described as an ‘ empty feeling’.  It was difficult to understand as to what was happening.

I couldn’t even express what  I was going through. Explaining it to my parents was difficult too. I didn’t  know what to tell them what I was going through. It began with palpitations(increased heart beats), panic attacks and sudden emotional outbursts in public. I would breakdown for reasons unknown to me.  I explained my ordeal to mom and since my sister had gone through the same  we were quite familiar with the  term ‘ anxiety ‘ in the family.  My  parents thought it was initial stress and it would just go away with me relaxing and avoiding too much of  stress. It was difficult for me to concentrate on anything.   I couldn’t bear being in a crowd and would break down very often. I would gasp for breath and at times would feel choked up.

I would try hard to focus on stuff other than the empty feeling and would try to keep my mind indulged in other activities.It would give me momentary relief . I would feel better.  I started keeping myself busy. It did help me up to some extent but then what would I do on busy streets. I lost my confidence . When ever  I would see a train approaching a station I would debate in my mind, “Will I be able to board this or won’t I “ . This mental debate would leave me waiting at station for hours, lost and scared. I researched a lot on these symptoms and since my sister already had gone through it I knew it was anxiety neurosis and a beginning of depression. I would cry for reasons unknown . I  would feel  weak and limbless ,lethargic . I would find it difficult to get  up from bed  on certain days.

Source:drhurd.com

My dad would always ask me, “ Anxious and depressed at this age? What is your age,24?” . Discussing with friends would be like explaining rocket science. My friends would be like you are so strong mentally , how can you be depressed. My parents were always worried about me and never left me alone .  Though  I never thought of ending up my life but an approaching train would bring up several thoughts. I was always  surrounded by friends but I always felt lonely.   I always had my  boyfriend around and had the best relationship ever but  I would still be unhappy. My boyfriend would often wonder what he had done to upset me so much that I would suddenly burst  into tears. And one day the condition  became so worse in the middle of a busy road , I felt someone was strangulating me to death . I couldn’t breathe and I checked myself into a local dispensary where in the doctor put me on bed for an hour , offered me water and after some time I was back on feet.  That is when I knew I had to seriously do something about it.

I confided in my then boyfriend and now husband and we decided to visit a psychiatrist. I knew I needed medical help . I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I tried  medical counselling too just like Deepika did. But it was of momentary relief and moreover meditating at  all the places isn’t something that is possible. I tried  Homeopathy too and surprisingly one of the doctors even said since I was past the age of getting married, it’s the sexual frustration that was leading into this.  I was appalled by the ignorance .  Needless to say that it was the last time I ever went again to the doctor. Finally took Allopathy treatment for a year and  now I can say I am completely free and the confidence is back.

If you need help ask for it. There is nothing to be ashamed of it . And during my period of treatment my doctor had several counselling sessions for my parents too so that even they could understand what exactly I was going through. I too would think at times whether I should tell my friends  about my psychiatric counselling  and would think what would be their reaction . Going  to a psychiatrist doesn’t make  you crazy. It is just like going to a doctor for  fever or jaundice. The treatment and the therapy made me stronger , further strengthened my belief that  I am perfectly normal and that I can come out of it stronger and healthier.

I have seen a lot of my friends going through the same but the very thought of going to a psychiatrist makes them  think twice. They feel they are going to be better soon without any help. Just talking it out with friends doesn’t help much, it helps upto some extent but it could be detrimental too at times because there is too much of an ignorance regarding this . Not all those who are sad are depressed and vice versa.  There is a world of difference between being sad and depressed. The word depressed is highly misunderstood .  It’s necessary to nip the problem from the bud. And let me tell you everyone and anyone can be depressed ..it doesn’t matter whether you are strong weak ,tall or short etc. It’s the worst feeling ever.

It’s great to see actors coming out of the closet and discussing their personal issues and actually trying to do something about it. Hats Off to Deepika for coming up with such an initiative and for speaking her mind . I could actually relate completely with her when I read her article. It was exactly that I went through.

It’s necessary you open up with your close ones during such a period but don’t be ashamed of taking medical help.

Stay healthy. Stay happy.

Pre- Marital Sex - Yes or N0?

Sex is one of the many ways of expressing love. Sex is the very reason of our existence. Sex is the very reason why you and I am here. Sex !Sex! Sex - an overhyped word  done by all but spoken by none.Sex is treated as a taboo in many countries. In this 21st century when we have reached Mars, we are still toying with the idea of Pre- Marital Sex - Yes or No! Before the Moral Police lashes out against my blog let me tell you I am not someone who is promoting pre-marital sex neither am I someone who is against it. But who decides what is right or wrong ? Who decides pre- marital sex is  a sin? The spineless society? or  You or is it me ? .Are we leaving our decisions to the spineless society which acts inert when every hour a girl gets raped -ie. sex without her consent or forced sex or you/me? who reads the very news of rape in the paper every morning and does nothing about it. The very society who bans sex education in schools and we do nothing about it. One thing that all must to come to terms with is we weren't born as a result of cross pollination. Our parents did it and we will do it too sometime in future may be before marriage or after marriage.

Source: www.thelocal.se

Whether its right to do IT(using the pronoun because by now am expecting activists outside my home for the overusage of the word SEX) before marriage or after marriage is a matter of choice which must be left open for the individuals involved to decide.I and my partner should have the freedom to decide when and how i should express my love to my partner.  Sex is the need of every human being just like food ,clothing and shelter.  And every single individual needs the same. You are not a whore if you do it before marriage,with whom you do and what all you do is again your choice.Its just like i wanted a new jeans , i brought it. Sex is the very basic need of an individual - this is something I need not explain being a citizen of the country with the second highest population in the world. Obviously all these people just didn't drop down one day  from the sky. They all did ITeither before or after marriage. Then what difference does it make if you do it before or after marriage. Marriage is just an announcement to the whole world indirectly that these two people involved in the marriage will be sleeping around together henceforth.I am yet to come to terms with the fact that how parents can send in their daughters with an unknown person one fine day to sleep around and be totally dead against if the daughters do the same thing before marriage.How can a marriage decide what is right or wrong. As per my opinion , Sex is something which is a very personal thing in a couple's life and no one should have  the right to interfere in a couple's life and decide what is right or wrong. It is totally a couple's view and their decision how they decide to take their relationship to the next level.If the question is about getting dumped after pre marital sex; there are many  cases where in people get married and dump their brides after the first night or the over hyped "Suhag rat " in India( first night after wedding).But the same issue can also be looked at from a different point of view. Pre marital sex will leave no surprises after marriage. No excitement of the first touch, first kiss , first hug ;nothing new left to experience after marriage. Again i would repeat its the decision of the couple as to what has to be done.Sex  isn't a crime . So the question of whether doing it before or after would be right or wrong doesn't arise at all.Sex is a beautiful expression of love. Dont criminalize it.This post is written as part of a contest YES or NO to Pre-Marital Sex on Indiblogger.Poonaam Uppal ,the Love Goddess unravels the various secrets of love in her book – A Passionate Gospel of True Love : A Mystical True Love Story. Read on....

Book Review : Nirbhaya And The Other Who Dared

 When I was asked to review the  book, the first reason why  I decided to review the book was the name Nirbhaya . I thought this was one such book where in again the plight of women would be described. Nirbhaya the name will always remain an epitome of the atrocities of men against women.Nirbhaya will always remind us of someone who succumbed to the atrocities of men. But this book came out to be different.  Kusum Chopra has empowered the name Nirbhaya and has portrayed women as very strong  protagonists in each and every story. Instead of portraying the characters as someone getting suppressed , the writer sends out a strong message with  the strong characters that its time to speak out, and act against the atrocities of men. The writer has beautifully etched out several stories where in she tries to convey the following messages

- that its fine to look out for sex elsewhere for women , as it is  for men.Looking out for sex outside doesn’t make you a slut.

- women have equal rights on their parent’s property as men.

- A widow neednot waste her entire life taking care of her in laws. She should be allowed to lead a life of her own.

- Divorce isn’t the end of life. And divorce isn’t a  women’s fault. 

-that it is necessary to fight against an alcoholic and abusive  husband.

Several stories which portray women as bold ,courageous and their battle against the orthodox rules of the society form the main crux of this book.

Pros :

A different outlook totally , and me being a feminist myself this book is a welcome change  compared to so many books which show women in poor light.

This book made me think on all the topics highlighted in the book as to what would have been my reaction or how would I have behaved in all such instances.

This book is the need of the hour and may be an answer today to  most of the problems women are silently facing today even in metropolitan cities.

Con:

 Some stories have a confusing start , and I had to read twice to understand about whom the story was revolving around. At Rs.250 I feel the book is overlypriced.

Overall:  

The  book makes up for an interesting read during tea time and will keep you engrossed.

Rating : 3/5

Bring Back The Touch

An indiblogger initiative along with Parachute Advansed Lotion #BringBackTheTouch.
It was their 50th wedding anniversary.Their marriage had lost the sheen it had years ago.Revathi wondered whether Ravi even remembered their wedding date. She kept thinking about their dating days. It was different.But things had changed. After two kids and their responsibilities had come up, their marriage had totally taken a different turn.Revathi was lost in thoughts as she did the house hold work. It was 11am and Ravi had left for work.

Revathi had decided to rest for a while before cooking up for lunch.She knew Ravi would be home by 1 for lunch. She wondered whether she should cook something special. She wondered whether it would remind Ravi what was special about the day.She took a nap and woke up to rush straight into the kitchen to whip up something edible for lunch. By 1 everything was ready.Revathi had decided to cook something simple but it turned out to be an elaborate affair. She arranged the food on the table and waited for Ravi to come.
The bell rang.Revathi rushed to open the door for Ravi.Her life had become monotonous,She thought.She served food as Ravi sat hungrily to have the lunch. She expected Ravi to appreciate her cooking .But she knew Ravi never did that. The last time he ever did was during their college days when she would cook up an omlette during their night outs. She sat next to him and saw him eat. She felt happy as Ravi had no complaints about the lunch. As she was about to leave Ravi held her hand and asked her to have a seat.It was years since something like this ever happened. Ravi still kept holding her hand .That was the touch Revathi had longed for since years. "Happy 50th Wedding Anniversary" wished Ravi and handed over abox of chocolates. "You remembered?" , exclaimed Revathi in excitement.Ravi hugged her tight as tears of joy flowed down her cheeks.

Bring back the touch in your boring monotonous lives.Bring back the love like many such couples like Nimrat in the video below as well as Revathi and Ravi. Rekindle your romance with a lovely touch.

Toilet For Babli - A Domex Initiative

An initiative by Indiblogger and Domex to give dignified lives to kids.




The country is plagued by so many issues – social,health etc etc. But one of the most heart wrenching issues that we face is lack of toilets for our country men. This is not just the case in villages but also Metropolitan cities like Mumbai. If you are a Mumbaikar and you use local trains for commuting to and fro, the very first sight in the morning that you see is of people defecating in the open near railway tracks. When I say people, it includes every gender. Most of us who would be reading this blog am sure would have their own toilets and wouldn’t have to defecate in the open. Just imagine one morning you are asked to go and use the main road or the area around the track as your toilet . How humiliating it is to bare your ass and defecate in the open when there are lakhs of eyes viewing your bare ass on their way to office. The thought itself is disturbing.


Apart from being a matter of humiliation, It also questions the very development and progress taking place in our country. The year 2014 boasts of India’s successful mission to Mars, but the very shameful fact is that, though we have been successful enough to achieve the impossible , we are still a failure when it comes to providing our very own country men the basic facilities of sanitation . We have all seen public toilets or pay and use toilets but the condition of the toilets are so pathetic that it is difficult to step inside. The thought of using public toilets makes one sick.Apart from the fact that the number of public toilets are very few for people to use, the ones that are available are dark, smelly ,not maintained properly. People in villages as well as cities also avoid public toilets for personal safety as toilets are at a distance from the house and going there can be risky late nights. There have also been crimes reported ,of women being raped, men being robbed,kids being kidnapped and raped while using the public toilets in the dark. These are some of the main reasons why people avoid using the existing toilets and prefer defecating in the open.

 The lack of sanitation or open defecation is also the main cause of several health hazards like diarrhoea ,typhoid as well as other intestinal infections. Recently we have also seen our Prime Minister promising public toilets for every village. He has been giving utmost significance in maintaining cleanliness and hygiene in India. But is it possible with just one person shouting and blabbering about the importance of maintaining hygiene. We can eradicate open defecation as well as the health hazards associated with it if each and every individual decides to. Keeping public toilets clean after use is our responsibility. Keeping them as clean as we would want it to be when we want to use it can improve the conditions of public toilets. Politicians and the leaders can provide facilities like street lights, toilets for use in every nook and corner as well as play a significant role in maintaining the hygiene in these toilets.But again it’s all about changing the mindset of the people and spreading awareness about the significance of cleanliness. Strengthening this initiative and carrying the same thought process forward Domex has come up with this initiative which promises toilets for kids so that the kids get a chance to live a dignified life.


 The initiative “Toilet for Babli” promises to eradicate open defecation and bring about a change in the lives of millions of kids. Such a noble initiative requires support from all of us. All you need to do is “click” on the “Contribute Tab” on www.domex.in and Domex will contribute Rs.5 on your behalf to eradicate open defecation, thereby helping kids like Babli live a dignified life. All that every one wants is a dignified life where in one doesn’t have to compromise for the basic amenities . Let us all come forward and take a small step towards eradicating open defecation by clicking on the link here
(open the page in google chrome)


You click and Domex contributes towards giving a dignified life to a child. Every click counts…

21. An Endless Night

 A fast paced crime thriller by team Supernova .


Read the previous part here




“Oh! dear Tara you are yet to make the tea I asked for... Quick! Come on.... you know that I hate delays " said Aryan Ahuja in a stern tone. Tara was totally numb with the news that was aired that Shekhar was the culprit and he was the mastermind behind the hijack. Her world had crashed, she had no idea as to what could be done. Her phone had started ringing non stop the moment the news was aired. She was clueless as to how she could save herself and Roohi from the hellhole which she considered was a safe house...What an irony she thought!! she had been trapped in the very same house she considered safe. Tara moves into the kitchen lost in her thoughts and starts preparing tea for Aryan. Aryan kept sending instructions which she didn't care to hear. " Darling, two spoons of sugar" said Aryan and laughed hysterically. " Shut up! Just get out of our lives " cried out Tara. Aryan was surprised by Tara's outburst and in a sudden fit of anger pulled her by her hair. " Look , am here to get all those information about Xombie that you have. You better don't make me a monster. Do as I say ! your husband is a fool, I wonder how he could risk his beautiful wife and his precious daughter's life for a bloody piece of information." 

Tara trembled in fear as the grip on her began to loosen. She could fight him out but she was losing the mental strength for the same. She was not sure what she had to do. She couldn't trust Aryan as to whether he would let them live even after the information was shared. She knew there were a lot of people involved in the same and Ahuja was just a pawn . She knew they were dangerous and she didn't wish to risk her life for the same. Tara places the cup of tea infront of Aryan. "That's like my good girl" said Ahuja... "Now as i relish your refreshing tea, you go and get all the information that I am seeking for . Go! you should be here by the time I finish this tea or else am going to finish you off", barked Ahuja red with anger Tara hurried to Roohi's room to ensure she was safe . On seeing Roohi sleep blissfully Tara broke into tears blaming herself for getting her family into so much of trouble. She knew this wasnt something Roohi deserved. 

She knew she had to fight Ahuja. But how ! how could she do that. She decided to share all the non essential details with Ahuja and decided to convince him that this was all she had and that her husband was innocent. Tara hurried with some papers out of Roohi's room and locked the room carefully. She handed over the papers to Ahuja and pleaded him to leave. "This is all that I have .


 Please leave us alone." cried out Tara. "Thats like a good girl , Give it to me.. let me see those papers ", smiled Ahuja . Ahuja went through the papers and Tara could see his temper rising. She had decided she would not give away the information whatever may come. Tara was lost in thoughts when Ahuja got up from his seat and slapped Tara hard on her face. " Don't you try acting smart with me. Am not going to fall for this kind of nonsense. I give you one more chance, go get the information" he growled. Ahuja continued ," You know what, this kind of a publicity is something that we like. Any kind of publicity is good for us. We want people to talk about us. And when you started working on the same, we were happy that we were getting a journalist covering our story for free... Hahhaha!!! This is just free publicity for us.. your stupid work amounts to free publicity.. And look at you... , you are risking your life to give us publicity.. HAHAHAH!!!! I am loving this" Tara couldn't believe what Ahuja kept blabbering. She was disgusted with her profession , she wondered where her job had put her into. Ahuja's voice disturbed her thoughts, "But you know what you did a grave mistake.. You acted smart... You collected more information that you should have ever done... You have the information about our Chief..." Tara was left wide eyed. She wondered who was the Chief of all the names she had. She never had realised that she had reached the end of her investigation because Sarkar had assigned her to an other project on priority. It had come from her top bosses and it was difficult for her to refuse. She now realised that every single person was hand in glove in this mission. "Go... Get me all the information..Come on...fast!" screamed Ahuja. Tara was too shocked to move because of all the information she had heard from Ahuja in the last 30 seconds. Ahuja was fuming and seeing Tara's no reaction to the same he was not sure as to what he would end up doing. Tara rushed in hurriedly to get all the information. She knew she had to live for her family. She handed over her spare laptop to Ahuja. And then there was a loud noise from the room followed by a shriek .


Read the next part here


 Me and my team are participating in ‘Game Of Blogs’ at BlogAdda.com. #CelebrateBlogging with us.